


soul of sweet delight

by Zsazsa4



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Hand Jobs, M/M, Missing Scene, in which we find out who was guarding tozer before the hanging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25550458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zsazsa4/pseuds/Zsazsa4
Summary: It was a cruel trick to leave the two of them together, unfair enough that for a panicked moment Little was convinced he had been found out. But of course if anyone had had an inkling his situation would be markedly more unpleasant. As it was, only delicate and not a little awkward, to be guarding Tozer, who lay on his side with an arm wrapped around himself. He could have been asleep but for the way he tapped a finger against his ribs.
Relationships: Lt Edward Little/Sgt Solomon Tozer
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	soul of sweet delight

**Author's Note:**

> can be read as a sequel to [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24843418), if you like

It was a cruel trick to leave the two of them together, unfair enough that for a panicked moment Little was convinced he had been found out. But of course if anyone had had an inkling his situation would be markedly more unpleasant. It was, probably, a punishment, to be demoted to guard duty, but it was more benign than he deserved. As it was, only delicate and not a little awkward, to be guarding Tozer, who lay on his side with an arm wrapped around himself. He could have been asleep but for the way he tapped a finger against his ribs. 

Eyes still shut, Tozer said, ‘It’s not so unexpected. Two ways out of the service, rope or the poorhouse. At least this one’s quicker.’

‘Unlikely. They only hang for -’

‘I know what they hang for. That’s very cold comfort in the event. Sir.’ He sat up, looked straight at Edward.

He had never been able to read Tozer very well. He tended to dumb insolence rather than dumb obedience, but Little had no way of telling if it was a facade. Time had passed and his interest had waned, anyway. He had been quite content to silently abandon their association, and resented Tozer calling on it now. Comfort seemed impossible and undeserved, but he supposed an attempt was owing. ‘Well,’ he tried, ‘there might be something afterwards. Life, life everlasting, all of that.’ As you might to a child or an idiot.

‘Come off it, you don’t believe in none of that. They never made the Sunday service you couldn’t wriggle out of.’

He had thought he’d been more subtle than that - Crozier, certainly, knew and first found it entertaining and then hadn’t cared, the other officers of course noticed it. Although he should have overcome his feeling in service of his duty, he had found the cloying piety occasionally evidenced from the men, always in moments of extremis, embarrassing. If he had to be honest, from the officers too. ‘It isn’t necessarily that I don’t believe it. It’s just that it’s - well, the way we do it for the men -’

‘All that bollocks all right for the other ranks?’ Tozer said, then flopped back down. ‘Oh, leave it, I don’t care. Do you believe it?’

‘I don’t know what you mean by it, exactly. I consider myself a member of the Anglican communion, I suppose, but -’

‘All of it?’

‘No,’ he said at last. ‘Not any of it. It’s no use asking me why,’ he added hastily, ‘I just don’t. I don’t have the faculty for belief, somehow.’

‘Some chaplain you are. Well, I’ve come across worse.’ 

He should have known that his account would not be settled that easily. He pleaded, silently, for Tozer to be struck dumb. Whether by repentance, resignation or sheer misery, he didn’t much care. They were blessedly silent for a few minutes; then, no longer.

‘Give us a suck,’ Tozer said. ‘For old times’ sake.’

It startled him, although he tried not to show his shock. After all this. ‘You know I’m not going to do that,’ he said, feebly. But what else could he say?

‘You quite liked it before. Go on, I shan’t have another chance.’

He said nothing. A course of action he should have decided on earlier, since Tozer seemed determined to spend his last hours tormenting him by asking nonstop about death, religion and sodomy. All subjects best avoided even in rosier circumstances. 

‘A hand, then?’

‘For God’s sake, be quiet.’

‘You’ll wish you had, later.’

‘I don’t know how you can even think of it.’

‘Oh? Why’s that?’

I can’t imagine being able to perform in your - your situation.’ For God’s sake, be quiet. ‘You don’t find it puts a damper on things?’

‘Happen it’d take my mind off it.’

This, he thought, the relentless bluster, might be why other people liked Tozer, were charmed by him. And God knew it had worked on him, after a fashion, irresolute and lacking in fibre as he was, knew he was, try as he might to hide it. He had been, was still, weakly envious even as the sheer dumb insolence infuriated him. He had a rancid, bilious feeling of relief, that Tozer would die soon and take all of this with him. He had, quite simply, no idea what to do. A sickly wish to comfort contaminated any justified, explicable action he might take. Or, more likely, a craving for the lees of the closest approximation to pleasure he had. Therefore, he might as well give in.

He reached out and gripped Tozer’s thigh, just above the knee. He tightened his hold, felt the muscle pull and contract under his hand. ‘Look at me,’ he said.

Slowly, Tozer turned his head. His colour was high, hectic, but his eyes were dry. ‘How am I doing, then?’

‘Remarkably well,’ he said. ‘You’re taking it remarkably well, Sergeant.’ He moved his hand up stroking up the inside of Tozer’s thigh. He was wearing only a shirt and trousers, no slops or coat on top, and must be freezing. Even with the fabric, their physical proximity was almost unbearable. He wanted to protest the unfairness of it, that he was chained to a man whose conduct he found despicable and whom he did not even much like.

‘You could use my name,’ Tozer said. ‘I wouldn’t mind it, if you did. I’m not too proud for any kind of charity, now.’

To his horror he found that he didn’t know it. He must have known it and forgotten, he was becoming ever vaguer. His mind was slackening, drifting away from him. Business that had been second nature, the business of navigating and calculating, escaped him. Even Crozier at the height of his delirium had known the men’s names. He thought about trying to guess, but none of the usual names sounded familiar. ‘I think that would be foolish.’ 

He eased his hand up Tozer’s thigh, stroking gently up the inside. Hushed Tozer when he tried to sit up. Took him in hand through the fabric. Tozer breathed heavily through his nose, lay back and let himself be handled. This is mad, Little thought, over and over again. I have gone mad. I have gone quite mad. He wiped his hand on the floor of the tent, when it was over.

‘Let me -’

He pushed Tozer back down. ‘Stay there,’ he said, ‘and be quiet. You got what you wanted.’

‘Is that what you thought I wanted? And what do you want?’

‘It wouldn’t be -’ he cast around. The thought of a dead man’s fingers on his most vital parts repelled him, although Tozer had felt alive enough. Had spent an enviable amount, even, more than he himself had been able to muster for quite some time. Not that he had been able to muster anything, for quite some time. He doubted that Tozer would be sympathetic, if he knew. ‘It would be an abuse of rank.’

‘Oh, Christ,’ said Tozer. ‘Well, I hope it wasn't out of the kindness of your heart.’ He put on an imitation of - not Little’s voice, precisely, strangled and nasal and exaggerated. ‘One can hang a man, dear boy, but abusing one’s rank - A disgrace to the epaulettes.’ He slipped back into his own voice. ‘You think I’ll forgive you the hanging but lug the burden of pulling you off to the grave. Not too bad, as I’ll only be carrying it an hour or so. Two hours? Ten minutes?’

‘I don’t know. Most likely about half an hour, I should think.’ And I don’t sound like that, he wanted desperately to add. Do I really sound like that to you? 

Tozer stayed silent, after that, closed his eyes again. He regretted it, a little, rebuffing him. It had not occurred to him that Tozer might genuinely have been wanting conversation, from him of all people. But most likely he had simply been looking for a release before the last release, then an opening to mock him, pummel him once again. And besides, it was far too late for any pretence of humanity between them now.

**Author's Note:**

> title from Blake - 'The soul of sweet delight, can never be defil'd’
> 
> one day Tozer will get the hug he so desperately wants but today he just gets a perfunctory handjob and a lecture on capital crime reform.
> 
> [Come talk to me on tumblr, @roaringgirl](https://roaringgirl.tumblr.com)


End file.
